The Story...

Ok. Here's the story. First off, thanks to everyone who read the last post and commented. It's nice to know you've got friends out there, even those you've never really met in person. That makes it extra special.

I'm feeling better today. Not including last night, over the past 48 hours (Tuesday and Monday nights), I got 6 hours of sleep (2 on Tuesday and 4 on Monday).

I'll start with the beginning. This will be a LONG post. Go grab yourself a cup of coffee, tea, CAFFEINE, and I'll explain.

IN THE BEGINNING...

I know I've talked about this about how Rob and I met, but I'll rehash. Just after Valentine's Day in 1997, I met Rob through match.com. We dated for 3 weeks. Our first date was to Lonestar (steakhouse) Restaurant and "The Empire Strikes Back" movie (that's when George Lucas redid the original 3 movies).

Our second date consisted of laundry at my house, dinner made by me at my house, and meeting my parents. The third date was his spending the night at my place. (Yes, everyone now knows that I'm a hussy!) By the third date, we both said to each other, "Let's get married." Then, I backed off and said, "Hey! I've never been married. If you want to marry me, you have to get down on one knee and ask the question." So, he did.

The day he came for the third date, I had to relocate my car. The apartment complex I lived in only had space for 3 cars. At the time, my parents lived across the street. So, this is where my car went. The next day, I went across the street after work to retrieve my car. I went upstairs to see mom and dad.

Dad says, "Er, I see you had company last night." (I didn't tell them I was bringing my car over.) "Where did you meet him?"

I say, "Through the Internet."

He says, "Oh, oh, you have to be careful. You have to watch who you meet through the Internet. Now, remember, if you look in his trunk and find a bowl and some flakes, run like Hell 'cause he's a cereal killer."

(everyone can laugh here)

At this point, I just KNEW Rob was the one. In the 4 years I dated "love affair," not once did my dad pick on him like dad just picked on Rob after meeting him on our 2nd date. You've got to understand, when you meet my dad, he's a smart ass. He likes to pick on you. If he doesn't like you, he doesn't pick on you. He obviously liked Rob.

And, as it's turned out, Rob is just like my dad, a smart ass back.

Rob was very honest to me in the beginning. He told me about his first marriage. According to Rob, the first week after going into the Navy, his now-ex-wife, decided to wipe out his savings and checking accounts. By the time they divorced, he was pretty much in financial ruin. He was living in an apartment when we met that was found by his parents, through a friend of his. He told me about his daughter and how he couldn't afford to care for her because of his ex-wife. But, his ex-wife got remarried about a year after their divorce and the guy asked Rob to adopt his daughter to which he agreed.

When I started living at Rob's apartment, he called his grandmother one day (Rob's mom's mother). She asked him if I worked. He told her that not only did I work, but I was making more money than he was. At the time, I was.

When my parents found out we were getting married, they were ok with it. They liked Rob and realized it was my life and couldn't tell me what to do. When his parents found out we were getting married, they absolutely shut Rob out of their lives. At the time, Rob was given a car from his father. Rob was continuing paying on the car, but it was still in Rob's dad's name. Also, Rob had a desktop computer that was an extra computer from his dad. They were so nasty about us getting married, they demanded that Rob take his car out of their name and give back the computer. This was fine by me because I had a laptop I was using from work. And, I had the money to pay for the transfer and taxes on the car.

We also got married because it was financially good for both of us.

So, we got married. We just got married quickly through the Elyria courts, with a judge. It was a 5-minute process and about $25 for the license, plus the rings and dinner after. At first, mom and dad couldn't come. My mom had a dentist's appointment and dad had to work. Mom then at the last minute changed her appointment but dad still had to work. Rob's parents refused to come to the ceremony. After, they completely shunned us because, since Mom decided to go, we didn't call them and ask them to come to the ceremony.

A month later, they apologized to us and gave us $100 in a card for our getting married.

Then, in 1999, I got pregnant. Now, you've also got to remember, through all this time, Rob's brother, Michael had a 2nd child. Since Rob gave up Nicole, his first-born child and also the first-born grandchild, Rob's parents continually guilt-tripped Rob for giving her up. In return, Michael's 2 girls were then the golden grandchildren of the golden child.

So, I got pregnant. By that time, Michael and his wife were then divorced. Through all those years, they continued to treat me like dirt. They had done some moving. Rob's dad got transferred to a Ford plant in Michigan; then he retired and moved to Florida. From those changes, they had to downsize their household goods. The first time, they gave a complete bedroom set to them. We got a recliner. The comment, "Jeanne has never had a bedroom set before." Ah, excuse me. In my ENTIRE life, I've never had a bedroom set, nor any room grouping of furniture that matched, EVER!

Then, after they got divorced, he immediately shacked up with a girl. When they retired, they gave a complete living room group, including big screen TV to them. But, with all the trouble he gets into, because of drugs and such, they no longer have any of the stuff.

As I said, I got pregnant. In October of 1999, at about 7 months, we moved into a house in Grafton, about 15 minutes from where we live today. Our phone number was unlisted. One day, after Cassi was born, I got a letter in the mail from ex-wife. She talks about how she's happy for Rob that he met me, that she's now found God and is at peace (of course she is for the she screwed him), and that she was happy he had had another child. I was SO upset. We asked all of his family who told her where we lived. No one fessed up. (Ironically, she told us Tuesday it was Michael.) I didn't want ANYTHING to do with her.

When Cassi was about 8 months old, she and I took a plane trip to Florida. I took a week off work so his parents and grandparents could spend the week with her. After 2 days I was ready to come home. The whole time I was there, all his mom could talk about was his ex-wife and how Rob gave up the "golden grandchild." To top it off, she told me how they got Rob out of financial difficulty with his ex-wife by paying off all the debt to his child for child support. And, basically, "We have no money for you." This is what she told me. And she has kept to her work ever since.

After Rob got into nursing, he was working at a hospital just south of the airport. One day, he stops at a Speedway gas station just off the highway for cigarettes (yep, he smokes. Yuck!). And who should happen to be there, but his ex-wife, working. Then, while working not once, but twice, he runs into ex when her brother has a motorcycle accident and her husband has had a heart attack. When the husband had come in, Rob asked ex if he could see his daughter. Not to tell her who she is, but have her come in to the hospital so he could see her even from a distance.

No. That was about 2003.

But, he found out where they lived. They lived in an expensive house in Strongsville. At this point, I don't know if they live there or not now, but I'm investigating.

NOW...

As you all know now, we've been doing renovations on our house. With the front room completely cleared and the entertainment center on the front lawn, Rob, with the help of our friend, Dan, is sanding down the hard wood floors. We got rid of the carpeting because we found gorgeous hard wood flooring underneath. And, as I've seen on HGTV, hard wood flooring will raise the value of your house 6%.

Anyway, I'm on the side lawn with Cassi, Alexis, Morgan (Alexis and Morgan are Dan's girls), Kendria, Jo, and Hailey (Kendria is mom to Jo and Hailey). All of a sudden this woman and guy walk up to Rob. Rob and Dan were taking a construction-worker break of smoke and drink. I don't know who these 2 are. He waves for me to come over. Before I can get there, I see a 3rd person standing behind the woman.

He says to me, "This is Tina. And, this is my daughter, Nicole."

To say the least, I didn't know what to say. Rob says, after they left, that Tina came up to him first because she didn't want him to say anything bad about her to me. Well, too late. I know it all. I guess she didn't want him to say anything bad in front of their daughter too.

But, the guy she's with isn't hubby #2. It's boyfriend. Huh? Rob thinks he died because he was so overweight, which is very possible. But, she looks very hard and old, even though she's younger than Rob and I. Come to find out she's on dialysis because of kidney failure and is on the transplant list for a kidney. Supposedly, mom and daughter have been talking. Nicole is going to be 16 this year and asked to find her father. Her birthday is the day after mine, on June 20. She has decided she wants to go into nursing. Another, huh?

This is maybe because of the fact that her mom is dying. Rob and I both agree. After they left, Rob asked me what my first thought of Tina was. "She's dying." I said to him. He agreed. Typically, people who go on dialysis like she did only live 4-5 years if they don't get a transplant. She started in 2004.

I looked at Nicole. She looks exactly like Rob. But even more, she looks exactly like Ann, Rob's mom. She was very quiet.

Cassi came up while we stood there. I didn't have much to say because I didn't know what to say. I told Cassi who the girl was. "Cassi, this is your older sister, Nicole."

Cassi IMMEDIATELY ran up to her and hugged her, wet body and all. Cassi was in the pool with the neighborhood girls. She wanted her to stay. Rob had asked me to get a notepad so he could give her phone numbers. At first, he gave her his cell and the house line. I told him to write down my cell too. But, I also suggested, get their number to which he replied it wasn't a good time yet.

And, they left. I immediately wondered how they found us. Rob told me because our old house number was public, along with the new one. They probably looked us up.

So, my life is IMMEDIATELY turned upside down. Here are my thoughts, in no random order:

1. they are coming to us now because she is dying and needs Nicole to come live with us.
2. because she is dying, Nicole needs someone to pay for her to go to college.
3. Rob is going to be screwed again. Tina screwed him financially once and will do it again.

Let's just say I didn't do very well Tuesday and all day yesterday. Rob called his parents. (this is another story too). Remember when I talked about the incident back in October about the Marshalls at my house coming to get Michael? Well, from that incident, Rob's mother called me a Bitch, a liar, and that all their family problems were because of me. And, after that incident, that's why we had to shut off our house phone and have our cell phone numbers changed. We got harassing phone calls from both parents and brother. She has never apologized.

Rob's parents are coming up from Florida at the end of June and bringing Rob's grandmother. They were coming here to visit. I told him flat out that unless I get an apology from her, she was not welcome in MY house. So, as he says, he did the dirty work and told her. She denied she ever said what she said. Rob told her, "Talk to grandma. She was sitting next to you when you said it."

This has made her very mad again at me. That's fine. So, they are not coming here. Hmmm. Seems to me that she means what she said and she's not apologizing for what she said.

But, after Tuesday, this is all going to change about coming. My thought then went, "Rob's mom is going to demand to come here to see Nicole. She is the golden grandchild. She'll bring all kinds of gifts for her and still treat Cassi like dirt."

Rob called his parents. They asked if he had taken a photo of her. No. In the utter shock, no pictures were taken, even though my digital camera was sitting right on our steps because I was taking photos of the rehab of the floor.

Tuesday night, I got 2 hours of sleep. Wednesday, I went to Dan's house, even with only 2 hours of sleep. Rob was helping Dan with his side business and I was watching his little one, Morgan for the day at his house. Also, she and I baked cookies at his house. But, with so little sleep and so many thoughts going through my head, I was mentally exhausted. Here are so more thoughts that I thought:

1. What would I have done if Rob had to go to work. The time they arrived, he would have been in bed. I would have been waylayed by their arrival and not prepared by myself, even though I was DEFINITELY not prepared when they arrived and Rob was up.
2. We will have to prepare this 3rd bedroom for her. After a year and a half getting the closet done for my business, this was all for a waste of time and money. Now, all the office equipment has to go to the basement.
3. How dare she come to my house? and lots of foul language.
4. She only wants to come to us now because of money.
5. Rob's parents will come to visit. Rob's ex and daughter will come. Cassi will fawn all over Nicole because she so wants a little brother or sister. She loves having a big sister. I will be alone. There will be a family at my house, but none of them will care that I'm even there.
6. If I cry, I don't think I'll stop.

So, after Rob and Dan got done with the side jobs, they came back to Dan's house. I was so depressed, I just couldn't smile for anything. I think Rob knew just to leave me alone. Dan kept Cassi with his girls while we went home. He knew how tired I was. I was to get a nap, which was only 10 minutes. Then another 10 at about 5:30.

But, last night I decided, "I want a beer." Dan had brought some Monday to our party. I drank that bottle of beer in about 3 minutes. I relaxed and played a new Shrek game with Cassi. She went to bed and we went to bed. I think I was becoming my logical self. I slept all night, like a baby.

This morning, I was very calm and logical. I told Rob what I was thinking. He said he didn't want to talk about it because there really wasn't anything to talk about. He doesn't even know if she will call him. And, as far as the closet is concerned and the office move, he isn't doing anything until the time comes that she needs to come here. Don't prepare for anything. And, as for the visit from his parents, if they want to see her, they'll go see her at her house, not here. He says, "I'll get their address and they can go there."

Ok, but didn't he say when I suggested about the phone number to not ask for it right now. That makes me think he has it but doesn't want to tell me.

So, for right now, everything is dropped. I definitely want him to have his time with her. But, I know what's going to happen. When issues like this happen, I have been right every time to their conclusion to almost 100% accuracy. But, I can't think about that right now.

And, Marie, no I'm not going to tell mom and dad about this right now. I'm concerned that dad will do EXACTLY like I did, except he might be worse.

Other than that, there's not much else to say right now. I did sleep all night last night. Rob and I spent the day together before he went to work early today. He's working a double, than will be off 5 days straight before going to work again.

And, I promise to have photos of the flooring and the tidbits I found that were removed from the room shortly.

Lots of love to everyone,
Cathy
8^ )

Now mother to 2, even if not legally yet.