Monday, April 10, 2006

I'm a Baby...

That's what my husband said. Because I don't know how to share. It is my house; it is my phone; it is my television.

Day 2. I like to have things a certain way. I'm anal and proud of it. I don't want anyone answering my phone but Rob or I. When I want to watch tv, I only want to share with Rob.

That's how it's always been.

So, I just have to grin and bear it. I have to do my "wifely" duties, even though I don't want to. Sorry, can't go into details.

Bottom line is, my family is awesome and his family sucks!


Sunday, April 09, 2006

I'm a Control Freak...

I know that I am a Type-A personality. I'm always on the go. My tag-line has always been, "I go-go-g0, but when I stop, I drop."

Today started out like a pretty good day. Then again, maybe not, not that I think of it.

All of you know I like to write. But, my writing comes at the last minute, when things are due.

Today, I had an English paper to put into a final draft. Usually, I would have waited until now to even start the paper that is due tomorrow.

I'm done already. I finished it at noon. That should have told me something was wrong.

Cassi was at Pa's overnight. Because Pa and Nana got sick, they couldn't see her for the past few weeks. Not that they won't get her again on Thursday for 9 days while she is on Easter break.

When we went to pick Cassi up, I had a few errands to run. First, we had newspapers to take to the school for recycling. They get the money to use for the school. Good idea! While there, I also had to take pictures for Teacher Appreciation Week. We are using the logo in creative documents we are giving to the teachers that week. Then, Rob needed to see where he was supposed to park tomorrow on his first day of his new job at the Cleveland Clinic. Finally, I am going to Fox 8 TV on Wednesday for my Journalism class and needed to know how to get there myself.

I was happy-go-lucky the whole time away from home. It changed when we got home. I got very upset. Don't know why. Rob was asking me why, but I didn't want to tell him. Instead of trying to get me to tell him, he walked away. Making me further upset.

We haven't talked the rest of night, except to bicker. The only thing I can say is that I'm having one of my depressive episodes. I'm also having a "it's mine" episode too. So, I'm very sad right now and took a pill to help me get over this overnight.

No, Marie, don't call. I hope to be better tomorrow.

Thanks for listening.

8^ (

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Marie, eat your heart out!
  1. My history with depression
  2. Why I'm going back to school (the work-thing and the family/home-thing go in this)
  3. My parents
  4. My sister
You're now #4. I need to think more before I talk about you. I may be truthful, but I also need to do it when my left hand doesn't hurt so much.

Love to all,
8^ )

P.S. Any of the older topics will most likely get discussed as I am writing these topics above.
My Weight...Part 2 (don't forget to start with Part 1)

All through high school I had a very difficult time finding clothes, shoes, etc.

After high school, I went to college for a year in Philadelphia. I did have one boyfriend there, but it was nothing, just a small fling.

All that time, my priority was being in school. I think because of my weight issues, I focused a lot on school.

From 1990 until 1993, I worked and went to school and just stayed to myself. On a trip to Washington, D.C. I met Jason Birzer, who I am not with today. (separate story too)

In 1993, we moved here to Cleveland, OH. Just after, I started working for Ernst & Young. About a year after starting, my boss asked me if I would like to learn how to program in Lotus Notes. Sure, why not!? They paid for it. During those four months, I lost 40 pounds. I was so happy with myself. There was this guy I was working with. Because I had been losing so much weight, I started dressing classy-er with heels and dresses. One day, I passed by him, getting off the elevator, while he was getting on. He stopped and got back off the elevator. He couldn't believe how good I had looked because he hadn't seen me in a few months (travel schedules didn't mesh). He only realized it was me when he looked at my eyes.

Well, let's just say he REALLY made my day that day. I wish I had that dress to use when I can get back into it again.

Then I started traveling. I had an opportunity to travel and do technology work for the firm. When I did, we spent every evening eating out at restaurants or having dinner at banquest facilities. Well, I gained the weight back on. I've gained it ever since.

In 1999, I became pregnant with Cassi, my life and joy. In the beginning, I lost 20 pounds. My OB said that he didn't care if I lost weight the entire time, as long as Cassi was healthy. But, low and behold, I gained the 20 back and 15 more to boot.

I am very scared now. Rob says that I am currently sliding toward the 400+ weight. I don't know how to stop. Yes, I know keeping active helps. But, there has to be something more.

I'm scared because I want to live until after Rob (joke). But, I want to live a full life. I am going to try LA Weightloss Center because it seems the best for me right now. It's a weight loss program that teaches you how to cook and eat right.

The bottom line is, if I don't get the weight down, that's it for me. I know I make it all sound like a joke, but it's not. I think if I think about it too much more, I'll cry.

Plus, it's 11:30pm on a school night for me. Time to go to bed.

Love to all,
8^ (
My Weight...

Okay. I'm about to discuss an item on my list, AND IT'S A HUGE ONE!

All of my life, I have dealt with weight problems, but mostly from fourth grade on. I have school pictures that show how chubby I was. I don't even remember how it all happened.

I remember, we used to have snack time each morning in first grade. Mom would pack me twinkies. I always remember Laura Colby (if you're reading, I still remember you!) bringing in white American cheese. I also remember always switching the twinkies for the cheese.

I do remember not being very active. I just wasn't interested in playing outside, even though mom would always say, go outside and play. There were kids in the neighborhood, but I just didn't think I belonged.

But, until fourth grade, my mom was home with me. I learned about soap operas and watch them to this day (yep, over 20 years of experience!).

Come fifth grade, I was already wearing a bra, which I don't think anyone else was at that time. I realized at that point that, even though I knew a lot of people, I didn't have many friends. Even the person I thought was my best friend I just wasn't sure about.

So, all through high school, I gained weight. I didn't have one boyfriend; I didn't attend the prom, homecoming, or any other boy-girl date dances. But, I had LOTS of friends, male and female. None of the boys wanted to date me.

I know I dealt with a lot of depression in high school (different blog story). There would be a new guy that I was attracted to. I would approach this guy of my intentions, that I was interested in going out with him, even if we went dutch. But, everytime the guy shot me down. I would go home and cry for a day or more. After I cried, I was fine. I usually ended up being friends with the guys. I figured I might as well be friends. I think at that time, I learned how to deal with depression.

Right after high school, I started having my first of three knee surgeries on my right knee. Well, being even more inactive due to surgery didn't help. Right now, it's not helping me either.

...more to come.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

My Trip to the Plain Dealer...

Okay, almost two weeks since my last post. I dropped my math class. Yep, I did. I thought I was passing, but didn't really know. So, I took the withdraw (W). Since I transferred into the college with math credits, and I'm really only .7 credits short (that's point 7), I'm going to try to petition for them to give me the credit.

Even though I'm down to two classes, my class load seems to have grown, mostly from my Media Writing (AKA Journalism). In the past month, we have been doing all kind of writing assignments. There was the "Man on the Street" interviews. We had a columnist from The Plain Dealer, John Campanelli, come in. He gave us a presentation and we asked him questions for a news story. Then, Thom Greer, retired Senior Vice President of The Plain Dealer, who basically did the same thing for us. However, with this story, the best news story would be published in the student Communication's Department Laboratory newspaper. Guess what? I was that story. The story is going to be published this week. I think it was due, in part, because I did extra research after to get extra information about him for the story. Plus, I was so excited to meet someone who's here, who's from my home state. He grew up in Pt. Pleasant (08742), New Jersey. Plus, he started out in news at the Trenton Times; a newspaper that we read regularly while growing up. I'll post the news story after it's been published.

On March 22, we took a field trip to Euclid, Ohio and met the mayor, Mayor Bill Cervenik. We held the meeting like a news conference, and, of course, did a news story about the news conference. After we got the stories back, my grade was 9.5 out of a possible 10 points. We discussed the information from the news conference. Someone tried to tell me that my facts were not correct. Because I've been tape recording the projects, I went back to my tape to prove I was right. Plus, I've been recording the projects to get accurate quotes for my news stories. EXCELLENT OPTION!

So, this past Friday, we took another field trip to The Plain Dealer. For those of you who might not know of the newspaper, it's the main newspaper for Cleveland, Ohio. We had an opportunity to sit in on their 4 p.m. Editor's Meeting. This meeting determines what stories will be on the front page of the first section of the newspaper for the next morning. They also showed photos and decided which stories could wait a day or two.

They went around the room and talked about the different segments of the newspaper. There was a story that was going to be on the front page, that also had additional information and photo slide show on their website, They turned to us as visitors and asked if we had ever viewed additional information like that on their website. One of the editors argued that they wouldn't know about the slide show until they read the newspaper. Well, he asked again. Plus, he asked us how the website worked for us, were we able to search, etc.

I told him that I've never seen slide shows or anything like that from the website. Plus, it was very difficult to search. I had however been able to find information I was looking for by doing a "google" search (but I use Yahoo!). I had been able to find pages through Yahoo!, but was unable to find them directly through The website really SUCKS for search capabilities. He didn't like that answer. But, one of the editors also agreed with what I said about search capabilities.

Then, he asked us if any of us were journalism majors. There were five of us from class. Because not all of us could go, the instructor gave us 3 extra credit points for going. Anyway, we all said no. I elaborated that, No, I wasn't a journalism major, but I was an English major. I guess he was really offended because he grunted and dropped the entire subject. That was it for talking with the editors.

The whole point of going was a networking opportunity for us. They were supposed to be giving us their business cards for coming for when we graduated. Well, I bit my tongue, which I should not have done, in hindsight. After, I told my instructor that I wanted to tell him that just because I was an English major doesn't mean that I didn't like to write. I love to write, ANYTHING. That's why you all live through my funky blog posts. But, I'm also getting A's in this class because I do like to write. The instructor told us we should have argued back to get them to listen to us. I just figured I was showing respect. GUESS I WAS WRONG!

Okay. Gotta go for now. I've got lots to do and about an hour to do it in. Rob goes tomorrow morning to the Cleveland Clinic Foundation for his prestart date HR stuff and medical stuff. So, I've got to get up early, plus get Cassi and I ready for schools.

Love to all,
Cathy 8^ )