...tell your kid she's about to become an aunt? Especially when your child still is learning the difference between who is her aunt and why that person is her mommy's sister. And, why her Pa and Nana are her mommy's mom and dad. She still wants to call Marie (my sister) her mom. OK. So, Marie treats her like her own child. That's how we were raised. AND, since Cassi is the only, that's fine that Marie treats her that way. Works for me. But, Marie is Aunt, not Mom. Cassi gets confused with this.
And, how do you explain that her sister is not her mommy's daughter but her daddy's daughter? Her sister is no relation to her mommy.
OK. I should ask questions like, Why is the sky blue? Or why is the ocean blue? I could probably get much easier answers to these questions.
So, she's back in school. Rob's happy. She's due in December (I knew that all along; can't pull a fast one on me). She called Rob tonight because she has a family tree she has to do. She needs Rob's parents birthdays, anniversary, and Rob's mom's parent's info and Rob's dad's parent's info. Why not just call them yourself? Or why can't you call me? She should have called them directly too. It was their information to give.
Well, just like I've said. She doesn't want to talk to me directly. She never has. That's fine with me. But, I was told to tell Rob that she's having a girl and the baby shower is November 8.
So, I would rather not have Cassi influenced by her. She slept around, got pregnant, and will have the child and probably live under welfare. Anyway, how do I explain this to Cassi when I've been putting it into Cassi's brain about studying hard for school and going to college and being whatever she wants to be. And, how I don't want her to have a cell phone or boyfriends until she's got a career (ok, not so strong). She needs to focus on the school and career first.
What a day, eh? And, I had to get her in bed but had to get her in bed a little late because I had to do this project for her (the family tree info). I needed to shower Cassi and get her to bed because the next three days she'll be up at 6:30 am. Rob's working tonight, Tuesday night, and Wednesday night. He won't be home in time for me to go to work. So, she's going to her friend, Emily's house in the mornings. And, because I'm working over, she's walking to her babysitter's house for the hour or so until I get done. I'm making up two days from my last pay period because I was sick one day and the holiday for Labor Day. I don't get paid for holidays when the plant is closed. So, I'm trying to squeeze in 12 hours extra these next two weeks, along with:
1. all the house work
2. cooking and getting food ready for Rob before he goes to work
3. helping Cassi with homework every night
4. next week Cassi starts bowling lessons
5. did I say all the housework?
6. we're going camping this weekend (and will probably be the last of the year)
7. get stuff prepped for craft show as I'm doing just one this year on October 4
Now, do you see any "personal time for Cathy" listed above? You're right. There's no time for me. I'm working on laundry right now.
Today, I:
1. worked 8 til 4
2. picked up Cassi
3. came home and watched for mom and dad (Their electricity went out so was bringing food to store it.)
4. started cooking dinner for Rob
5. emptied dishwasher and ate
6. made a pack of cigarettes for him (It's so much cheaper to make than buy. Here in OH it's $35 a week for a carton when I can buy the supplies for 2 cartons for $20!)
6. watched a movie with Cassi (some Cassi-time)
7. got dirty dishes in washer and started it
8. took Cassi over to sign her up for bowling lessons
9. came home and made phone calls for family tree project
10. showered Cassi and got her ready for bed (and put to bed)
11. signed all of Cassi's papers to go back to school tomorrow
12. washed 2 loads of laundry (one in washer and one in dryer right now)
13. made 3 packs of smokes (Yeah, I hate this habit too, but a bad one to break.)
14. writing this post and messaging Rob while he's at work
Yet to do...
15. get last load in dryer
16. make Cassi's lunch
OK. Everyone will be EXHAUSTED after reading my laundry list. No one understands how much I'm doing DAILY!
And, yes, as I write, it is now 10:35 pm. I'm so ready for bed it's unreal. I also have to be up at 6:30 am to shower and get ready for work.
Lots of love to all,
Cathy
8^ )
3 comments:
Hey Cathy, in answer to many of your questions, just tell Cassi, tell her the truth. She will mull it over, may have a few questions, you answer them as honestly as you can, and that will be that, she will accept the behavior of others, as THEIR behavior. If you continue to instill that SCHOOL, COLLEGE, GOOD JOB, etc is important, she will get the message. ROb's daughter made her own mistakes, such is life, and it goes round and round, and round. You have to worry about your daughter, and you are involved in the raising of her. There is the difference, you have a hand in the way that she is raised and in how you speak to her and how you place value on her life. As far as explaining to her about why Rob's daughter isn't related to you, let it be, it will sort itself out when Casi is older, no worries there. You need to take some "ME" time, I know, the choir here is preaching to the preacher, I do too. Your list looks similar to mine, however put in two more kids, with two more types of activities and WOOSH!you have my life, without an outside job. Laundry is a daily battle, I only wish it could be a weekly one. I have baseball and football uniforms to wash, and to sit down 3x for dinner, once with Scott, once with Cassidy, and once with the boys. Latley, Scott has been working more at his night job, and will be going away for it in Oct. Football for both and baseball for one boy, UGH, It will all work itself out. It always does. Take a deep breath, stop worrying about things you have no control, control what you can, and it will be a lot less stressful! Keep in touch.
I am not sure what the right answer is for what to tell Cassi. But I think a lot of it depend on if you intend for Cassi to see her half sister. Frankly I don't think it's the best idea. And as for the cigarettes, why do YOU have to be the one to make them?! Why doesn't he do them?! Maybe then he wouldn't smoke as much! He needs to quit to make sure he doesn't have health problems, set a bad example for Cassi, and to make sure he doesn't have problems with his work!
nice to read your blog again!! Here's my two cents (take or leave :P)
My suggestions:
1. Do no homework for the pregnant teen. ever. even if hubby asks you as a favor. I would have said, gee you think you can raise a family and be an adult? You can't even call and gather info for a school project. Click.
2. Keep cassi away from the step sister. Tell cassi that sister has made a choice that will affect her deeply and that she has made a bad choice, and that sometimes these things happen...and tell her the mistake is that sister is going to have a baby and that she made a mistake and chose the wrong time, because you are not supposed to do it until you are finished with your education. Be light about it, but just say that babies are the easiest to take care of when everything is secure, and you wish sister would have waited because it would be easier for her. This sounds loving but makes the point. My stepsisters were teen preggies at sixteen and my sister and I were kept away....children are impressionable and honestly, this was the best thing for my sis and I.
3. Honestly, don't even get involved with the baby shower. I know its "for the baby" and not the teen mom, but know she WILL take your gifts back to the store and get the cash for it. If you dont go to the shower and send the gift, she will unwrap it, make some benign comment, probably not even thank you, and she will return it. Her registry is probably full of expensive items. Don't ask me how I know this, but PLEASE believe me. She wants GIFTS, not your involvement with the baby's welfare. If you must do something for the baby, send a card addressed to the baby with a note saying you have started a savings account for the baby for college (and do so), they are free and you can put all birthday and christmas money in it for her., and give it to her for college. Cause her mom will spend it on herself/boyfriend. Again, I have plenty of friends that did this when they were teen moms. The kids had NOTHING, except what WIC and Welfare and Health Choice and Section 8 gave them. I JUST went to a shower where the mommy returned many expensive gifts (including my playyard and boppy-over $200) and bought herself a waterbed. I swear, I cannot make this stuff up.
4. Never, ever roll cigarettes for the husband; especially since you want him to quit!!! :)
Finally:
5. I miss you and wish we could hang out soon. :P I will bring you some Calgon, so it can take you away!
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